


I'll lay right down in my favorite place

by Blanquette



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Amusement Park, Amusement Parks, Baking, Blowjobs, Boys In Love, Car rides, Cats, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, M/M, Male Friendship, Minor Chae Hyungwon/Lee Minhyuk, Musical References, Mutual Masturbation, Pining, Some Humor, Summer, Tattoos, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 19:15:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18300332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blanquette/pseuds/Blanquette
Summary: It's the summer, and it's too warm, and Jooheon loves Minhyuk who loves the vampire from the haunted house and really, it sucks.It sucks until there's a cat behind a dumpster and a mean looking guy trying to get to it.Until there's too loud music and too fast car rides and pretty hands with painted nails.





	I'll lay right down in my favorite place

**Author's Note:**

> There is a [spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3rJqC90QM58DKrkKIeifra) with the songs from the fic!! And my friend also made a [pinterest moodboard](https://pin.it/5wvirbklrbkjjl) that goes with it. Thank you friend.
> 
> So this actually came from a request on my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/blanquette) (where you can still go throw ideas at me if you feel like it) and well I kinda ran with it and this thing happened.  
> It's 100% self indulging and damn did I have fun writing it and also I love this pairing? For some reason. It just worked for me.  
> Anyway I was in a quite heavy writing slump and this really helped me get out of it and have fun with writing again so thank you so much for the request, and I hope this isn't too terrible.

**1.**

It’s too warm to be outside. Too warm to be _alive_ and Jooheon leans back against the counter of the shooting stand he’s supposed to man, thinking that if the world were to end right now, he wouldn’t even care. Minhyuk’s crouching at his feet, his ratty sleeveless shirt yawning on his ribs as he rocks forward. Jooheon stares at the patch of skin appearing in the gap, tanned and slightly damp, and his fingers itch. But Minhyuk rocks back, sighing, and the worn fabric falls back into place. Jooheon swallows.

“I’m going to fight him.”

“You always say that, and yet, you never do.”

“Yeah, well, this time I just might.”

They’re both staring at the haunted house across the large alley, at the guy standing at the entrance, smiling at every customer, showing off fake fangs, eyes rimmed with too much eyeliner. He does a marvelous job at ignoring them, and so they stare harder.

“He must be sweaty as fuck.”

“Probably.”

The guy’s wearing some sort of old timey western suit with a cape. The park’s idea of a vampire, and none of them will admit he sort of looks good in it. That’s just because he’s tall, Jooheon said once, and Minhyuk had wisely nodded. It’s summer, a haunted house is ridiculous at this time, and yet, it’s the only attraction with a line.

“He really thinks he’s all that.”

“Did you ever actually talk to him?”

Minhyuk shakes his dirty blond hair as Jooheon crouches next to him. A bit too close, maybe, but it doesn’t matter, they’re friends after all. Minhyuk sorts of sags against his side and he smells faintly of sweat, and of something else, too, that Jooheon cannot quite pinpoint. He settles on dust and summer.

“I did not, he’s too good for us Jooheonnie my dear. Vampire royalty would never stoop to be seen with the likes of us.”

“You do know he’s not an actual vampire, right?”

“That’s too bad, this fucker could have melted in the sun.”

Jooheon laughs, knocking shoulders with Minhyuk, but his eyes don’t leave the guy across the alley and the sad reality that is his continuous existence.

“You know you can just tell me you have the hots for him. I’m your best friend, I won’t judge.”

“I do not, you moronic cretin.”

“‘Moronic cretin’, that’s kind of redundant”.

“Want me to fight you instead?”  

Jooheon laughs again, shaking his head as they fall silent, crushed by heat and boredom. Minhyuk settles against him and something sinks in his belly, something Jooheon would rather not acknowledge so he just stares ahead, at the line slowly diminishing, at the people passing them by, not sparing a glance at the dingy shooting range and the two dusty employees crouching there.

“Isn’t your break over soon?”

Minhyuk yawns, shaking himself before standing. He stretches, shirt riding up on bony hips Jooheon tries not to stare at.

“Isn’t yours?”

“I’m always on break.”

“Damn. Let’s switch stands next year. If I have to make one more cotton candy I’m gonna kill myself, no joke.”

“Sure.”

Minhyuk leaves with a smile, and Jooheon pretends he doesn’t see him spare one last glance at the vampire across the alley.

 

**2.**

Jooheon should move, he really should, his knees are starting to hurt from crouching there for so long but then again, if he stays, maybe he’ll just melt into the dust and that would be perfectly fine. _Should I stay or should I go_ , he hums under his breath, eyes traveling over the haunted house, the little restaurant stuck next to it, the side alley, with the dumpsters in the corner he’s pretty sure it was someone’s job to empty like yesterday.

There’s a guy there, trying to move one aside, and thus Jooheon stares at him, still singing, for lack of anything better to do. He cannot see his face, bent as he is over the dumpster, white shirt sticking to his back with sweat. There’s a swirl of ink over his bicep and Jooheon squints but he’s too far to decipher the drawing. The guy gives up and crouches instead, wiggling his fingers as if trying to attract an animal. And just like that, with the side of his face now visible, Jooheon knows who this is.

Or, well, he’s seen the guy around, at least. Smoking behind the photobooth with the buff guy from the roller-coaster or hanging around the haunted house (hopefully giving the vampire shit), dragging a toolbox with a long-suffering look.

Jooheon shifts, staring. He remembers now, the shaved side of his hair, the tattoos and the sharp eyes and this is not someone he wants to talk to, but the guy is crouching in front of a dumpster, still waggling his fingers, mouth moving as if talking to someone and this is inane enough that he wants to know what’s going on. So Jooheon manages to rise from the dust and crosses to the alley before his will fails him.

“What are you doing?”

The guy turns with a sharp intake of breath, glowering at Jooheon who bust out his best smile and hopes to get out of here with all his teeth intact. The guy rolls his eyes, turning back to the dumpster, and Jooheon decides to crouch at his level since he’s apparently not going to rise to his feet.

“I heard a cat.”

“A cat?”

“Yeah, you know, furry, pointy ears, four legs. A cat.”

“Do you spell that k-a-t or c-a-t?”

The guy sends him an unimpressed look above his shoulder, one eyebrow raised, but there’s no judgement in his face and so Jooheon shuffles forward, still crouching.

“Oh come on, that was funny.”

“If you say so.”

“So he’s behind the dumpster?”

“No. I’m here just because.”

“Damn man, cut a guy some slack. I’m here to help.”

Jooheon ignores yet another long-suffering long sent his way in favor of scuttering closer to the dumpster. But there’s nothing to learn there, except for a whole new level of stench.

“It’s too heavy to move on my own.”

“Then just leave it, if the cat’s hiding he probably doesn’t want to be found.”

“I think it’s a kitten.”

“Yeah, and?”

Jooheon looks back, and the guy is still crouching in the dust, slightly awkward, mouth pursued. He gets it, then.

“Oh damn, you’re worried about the kitten.”

“I’m not. It’s just. There’s nothing but greasy fries to eat here.”

The guy looks almost embarrassed, hair falling into his eyes, knees hugged to his chest. Jooheon tilts his head, something falling into place that has him rising to his feet, wiping his sticky hands on his ripped jeans. He watches the guy’s dark eyes follow his movements, hesitates but a second before holding out his hand to him.

“Alright, okay, I’ll get you your kitten. Come on.”

After a lot of pulling, pushing and complaining (on Jooheon’s part) they manage to get the dumpster far enough from the wall that they can reach behind. And it’s true, there’s a kitten there, a scruffy grey thing, dirty and mewling at them, huge eyes filled with worry.

“Okay, here you go.”

The guy peers at the animal, Jooheon’s expectant stare fixed on his face. He doesn’t move, though. He stays right where he is, half hidden by the dumpster.

“I can’t touch it.”

“Why? Why not?”

“I’m allergic.”

Jooheon deadpans and the guy actually has the guts to look mad.

“Are you fucking serious right now.”

“Yeah. I mean. It’s fine as long as I don’t breathe too much.”

“As long as you don’t breathe too much.”

“Yeah.”

“Great. That’s just. That’s great. What are we supposed to do now?”

They both stare down at the little animal, who stopped mewling in favor of curling up on himself, in a if I don’t see you, you don’t see me sort of way. It’s kind of cute. Jooheon sighs.

“Okay, alright, I’ll take it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean. I guess I can put it up in the shooting range for a while. Until we find it a real home.”

He crouches, wiggling in the space they made until the hand he reaches out closes around the kitten. It doesn’t even struggle, weighing nothing as Jooheon brings it closer to his face.

“Hello. You look like shit.”

“That makes two of you.”

“Are you fucking –”

Still holding the kitten to his face Jooheon glares at the guy and he’s smiling, something that reaches his eyes and he’s not so intimidating anymore. The insults die on Jooheon’s lips and he’s smiling too, looking back at the kitten.

“I’m gonna call it Jooheon Junior then. Ugly bros, sticking together.”

“Jooheon? That’s your name?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s a girl kitten.”

“Who cares. It’s Jooheon Jr. now.”

 “Alright. I’m Kihyun, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. Thanks, for the cat.”

Jooheon nods, still staring into the eyes of the cat. It looks sort of like Kihyun, he thinks. All scruffy and harsh, but then, when he hugs the kitten to his chest, it starts to purr.

 

**3.**

Kihyun doesn’t purr, but for someone who’s allergic to cats he does start showing up a hell of a whole lot. He brings cat food, a water bowl, rags to add to the growing nest of blankets shoved under the counter Jooheon Jr. now calls home. He always hangs back, watching as Jooheon handles the kitten with careful hands, making it wave a little paw.

“That’s your dad, Junior. It’s not that he doesn’t like you. It’s just that you could kill him.”

“I wouldn’t die.”

“Okay, you would make him swell like a balloon.”

“I don’t swell.”

“Damn, that’s like the most disappointing allergy ever.”

Kihyun laughs and Jooheon finds that he likes it; the eyes disappearing into crescents, the cheeks bunching up. Kihyun never stays, though; he hangs back for a while and then he leaves with an awkward wave. When they cross each other during their respective shifts they just nod, as if they shared a big secret. Jooheon figures that maybe they are, an illegitimate child, sleeping away in a nest of blankets.

It doesn’t stay a secret for long, though.

“Who’s the guy?”

Minhyuk’s standing near the counter, trying his best to lick off a half-melted sundae before it reaches his fingers. He fails.

“The father of my child.”

“Jooheon, sometimes you say the weirdest shit.”

Jooheon laughs, coming around so they can sit side by side like they always do. Mihyuk hands him one of his earbuds with sticky fingers, offering up his disaster desert that Jooheon refuses with a shake of his head. Minhyuk shrugs, turning his gaze towards the dreaded haunted house.

“Seriously though. Who’s he. He looks _mean_.”

“I thought you found tattoos hot.”

“Well, I mean. They are. But still.”

Jooheon rolls his eyes, eventually taking the sundae from Minhyuk’s hand. It tastes melted and gross. He doesn’t mind.

“He’s just some guy. We found a kitten together.”

“A kitten? What did you do with it?”

Jooheon points over his shoulder, licking the side of the ice cream and feeling it drip on his chin.

“It’s sleeping under the counter. We made it a house. Or well, I did. Kihyun’s allergic.”

“So the name’s Kihyun?”

“Yeah. The cat’s Jooheon Junior.”

“Jooheon Junior. Are you fucking serious?”

“I so am.”

Minhyuk rolls his eyes, switching songs on his phone just as movement catches their eyes near the haunted house. Minhyuk’s breath itches. It’s the vampire alright. With a new cape. Jooheon huffs.

“Are we seriously gonna creep on your crush while listening to Billy Idol.”

“Fuck off.”

“You should go talk to him. Maybe he got a license for love.”

“Are you quoting Billy Idol at me?”

“I am quoting Billy Idol at you.”

Minhyuk elbows him, sending the sundae flying. Jooheon watches it slump sadly in the dust, where it keeps on melting. He can sort of relate.

“You made me drop my desert.”

“It was my desert and that will teach you.”

“That’s what I get and yet I walked the ward with you, babe. A thousand miles with you. I dried you tears of pain ba–”

Minhyuk launches himself at Jooheon who shrieks and they fall in the dust, narrowly avoiding the puddle of ice cream in their struggle. They also miss the vampire staring at them from the other side of the street with a half-smile, shaking his head.

Jooheon gives up first, laying on his back, arms extended like a starfish.

“I give up. Do what you will. It’s too hot to move.”

“I have to go back give lil children diabetes anyway.”

“Damn, already?”

Jooheon sits up, dusting himself off. Minhyuk is watching him, with a kind of faraway look that has Jooheon staring.

“Yeah. Look, Jooheon. You were right.”

“I’m always right. About what?”

“About my having a crush on the vampire.”

Minhyuk’s eyes drop to his hands, just as Jooheon’s heart falls all the way to his stomach. He straightens himself, forcing a smile to his lips that doesn’t feel quite right.

“We been knew, Minhyukkie.”

“We said no judging.”

“I’m not judging. It’s a hot vampire, I get it.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah, cool.”

“I’ll talk to you later then?”

“Yeah. Fuck off, candy-man.”

Minhyuk leaves with both middle fingers raised and Jooheon feels like dropping back into the dust. He stands instead, sparing a glance to the other side of the street, to the vampire who actually catches his eye and smiles at him between two customers. Jooheon smiles back, because that’s what you do between colleagues. The taste is ugly on his tongue.

 

**4.**

It’s one of those days where Jooheon just doesn’t have enough motivation to be this alive, hanging upside down on the monkey bars of the park’s playground. Maybe if he stays like this long enough all his blood will go to his head and he’ll pass out. He reaches to the ground with both hands, the earth warm and dry under his fingers, and listlessly pushes himself until his body has enough momentum to swing on his own. He closes his eyes and for a split second he can pretend he’s six again, scrapped knees and snotty, hanging on the monkey bars as his mom watches, safe and happy. He doesn’t hear the gravel crunch; doesn’t hear the footsteps stop beside him.

“I thought it was you. What are you doing?”

He cracks an eye open and it’s Kihyun, wearing a leather jacket, looking too mean.

“Drying.”

A smile, and Jooheon opens both his eyes to stare. Kihyun crouches at his level, pushing on his shoulder to have him swing farther back.

“You’re wearing leather.”

Kihyun looks down at himself, at the leather jacket he’s thrown over his white shirt.

“Yeah, I am.”

“But we’re on the surface of the sun.”

“But I look good.”

“Admittedly. But at what cost?”

“Listen, I just wanted to know how Jooheon Jr. was doing. Get off my dick.”

Jooheon laughs, extending both his palms towards Kihyun who pushes them with his own to swing him harder.

“She’s fine.”

“Cool.

They stay like this, Kihyun idly pushing Jooheon who slowly swings like an old rag, thighs straining; and that’s really how he feels, an old rag hung up to dry.

“Kihyun?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you help me get off? The pressure’s really building in my head and I don’t feel my legs anymore.”

Kihyun laughs, grabbing him until Jooheon’s the right side up again and he’s sturdier than he looks, he is, and Jooheon hangs on his arm half a beat longer than necessary.

“What?”

“You’re just. You’re stronger than you look.”

Kihyun flashes a smile, something happy and genuine that has Jooheon staring.

“Wanna see my abs?”

“You got abs?”

“Woo me first.”

Jooheon rolls his eyes, punches Kihyun on the shoulder and it’s easy, suddenly, a soft breeze rising, ruffling Kihyun’s hair and Jooheon watches as he pushes them back, black nails and metal rings shining in the sun and for someone so dark he’s bright, so bright.

“How about lunch.”

“What?”

“I’m starving, I’ll go get us fries.”

“It’s always goddamn fries.”

“You can fuck off if you don’t like it.”

“I like it.”

Kihyun trails after him, and as they sit side by side with takeout fries between them it isn’t so bad anymore, despite the warmth and the dust and his broken heart.

“Hey, so. Wait.”

Kihyun shakes off his jacket before speaking again, the sleeveless shirt he wears underneath hanging too loose off his shoulders. It’s the first time they’re this close and Jooheon stares, stares at the blackwork geometry covering Kihyun’s arms, at the wing spreading over his shoulder, at the mandala on his throat, dipping in his collarbones. He stares and he sort of wants to touch, fingers itching, but he grabs a fry instead, waiting for Kihyun to speak again.

“I was wondering, you’re really going to give our child to someone else?”

“What?”

“The cat. Jooheon Junior. You said you’d keep her until you find her a house.”

“Ah, yeah. I haven’t even been looking.”

“Nice.”

“I think I might just. I think I might just keep her. I’m not supposed to bring pets in my place but, you know. Who gives a fuck.”

“So you’re a lil rebel, uh.”

“Says the guy covered in tattoos.”

Kihyun laughs, half a fry hanging out his mouth and it’s not even gross, eyes crinkling and it’s unfair how pretty can some people be.

“Will you need help moving her?”

“You’re volunteering?”

“Yeah, well, I kinda dumped her on you. Just let me know when you need me. You got my number.”

“Yeah, alright. Thanks.”

They stay even when the fries are gone. They watch the people come and go, commenting on this and that, laughing to nothing, and it’s light, and easy, and maybe Jooheon isn’t all that sad anymore. He stays even when Kihyun is gone, digging trenches in the dust with the sole of his shoes and there’s a thorn in his side he needs to take out, he knows. He hums a quite song under his breath as he stands up, stretching before going back towards his shooting stand and it’s alright, he’s fine, or at least he will be. Hanging upside-down on the monkey bars, watching the sun bounce off metal rings on pretty fingers. It’s alright, some things are still shining.

 

**5.**

Minhyuk’s playing with the cat behind the counter and Jooheon’s thinking they really need to find a new hangout place.

“I’m gonna talk to him.”

“You always say that, and yet, you never do.”

“Yeah, well, this time I just might.”

They’re both still staring at the haunted house across the large alley, at the guy standing at the entrance, smiling at every customer, showing off fake fangs, eyes rimmed with way better eyeliner than he used to. He does a marvelous job at ignoring them, and so they stare harder.

“Do you think he watched youtube tutorials on eye make-up.”

“Probably. Dude, I need an approach.”

“Ask him about the youtube tutorials.”

“I need an approach that won’t make me look like a moron.”

“But you are a moron. Show him the real you.”

Minhyuk viciously slaps him on the thigh and Jooheon yelps, crouching in turn to take his cat back from Minhyuk’s claws.

“You’re useless, Jooheon.”

“Well, don’t ask the single guy for romantic advice.”

Something lights up in Minhyuk’s face and that’s it, that’s what Jooheon loves best; the shine in his eyes and the excitement in his voice.

“You’re right. You know what, I’m gonna go ask Hoseok. He’s basically married by now.”

“Hoseok?”

“The buff guy from the rollercoaster. Your boyfriend hangs with him a lot.”

“This all feels very incestuous.”

“It’s a small park. And we’re all bored.”

“Good point.”

Minhyuk is quick to leave once he gets his thoughts set on something. He waves, Jooheon flipping him off before focusing back on Junior, scratching her head. The kitten flattens her ears, pushing against his fingers, and it’s not long before she purrs. She looks better now, a little filled in, a little fluffier.

“Damn Junior, it’s not like we didn’t know, but it still sucks. At least you love me. Yeah you do. You so cute. You so cute and I love you. Yeah I do. You so cute I’m gonna die.”

“So you finally went senile?”

Jooheon startles with a yelp, looking up, up at Kihyun’s grinning face peering over the counter.

“Goddamnit, announce yourself.”

“I didn’t want to interrupt whatever it is you got going on. How’s Junior?”

“Peachy.”

A nod, Kihyun tilting his head, eyes narrowed at Jooheon who feels too exposed, suddenly, as if the guy was seeing right through him.

“What about Jooheon Senior?”

“What about him?”

“He looks extinguished.”

“Extinguished? He looks fucking great.”

“Something happen?”

“What’s it to you?”

“Damn okay, forget I asked.”

Kihyun takes a step back, slightly disappearing from Jooheon’s field of vision, still crouched as he is. It strikes him, now, that they’re both roughly the same size. He’d thought Kihyun was taller, for some reason. He scrambles to his feet, leaning over the counter, bringing Kihyun’s attention back to himself.

“Hey, did you ever wear platform shoes?”

“Platform shoes? Man, you say the weirdest shit sometimes.”

“Yeah, heard that one before.”

Heard it before in another voice, in a voice he loved better, and the hair should be blond instead of black, the mouth less pouty, the shoulders broader. Jooheon’s staring and the hollow grows inside him, nothing he can do to drown it.

“Seriously, are you okay? You seem weird.”

“Yeah, just, some shit.”

“Wanna go somewhere?”

“What?”

“Ditch and take a ride.”

“We can’t do that.”

“Sure we can. It’s almost closing time anyway.”

Jooheon looks and Kihyun is just waiting, face blank. There’s an itch under Jooheon’s skin and somehow it’s like he already knew Kihyun was going to ask, like he already knew he was going to say yes.

“So you’re a little rebel, uh.”

“Dude, seriously just–”

“I’m in. Just let me check if Junior has everything she needs.”

Kihyun peers over the counter as Jooheon crouches again, fussing over the kitten in her nest of blankets.

“I never wore platform shoes.”

Jooheon looks up then, watches Kihyun’s eyes, trained on the cat, watches the soft smile blooming on his lips, and he finds that he likes this one, too, and maybe the hollow between his ribs hurts a little less.

“You should. You’d look good.”

“Thanks? I’ll consider it.”

Kihyun’s smile grows and Jooheon tries to forget it’s not the one he likes best.

 

**6.**

They're going too fast on a country road and a part of Jooheon, the part that sounds decidedly like his mother, wants them to slow down. The other part, the one that has him sticking his head out the window, this one wouldn't mind going even faster. Maybe that's the one Kihyun is listening to, or maybe he just knows what it feels like, because he turns the music louder, switches gears, and the car speeds up the road with hell at its heels. Jooheon laughs, something slightly crazed bursting from his chest and the feelings residing there; exhilaration, relief, something reckless and free that has him feeling lighter than he has in days.

Kihyun's singing, or yelling, really, over the radio, banging out a rhythm with one hand on the wheel, _I'm a total waste, I got the so-so grace, I'm a coming through you want it come and get it_ and it's true, Jooheon thinks, they are a waste, here running on fumes, running from time itself under the melting sun but just now, with the wind in his hair and Kihyun's voice in his ears it feels okay, it feels alright and yet more of him leans out the window and he's yelling too, Kihyun's laugh mixing with his shrieks. It's good, it's fine and he's alright, worries left behind in the dust they raised.

“Don’t fall off, you prick!”

There’s a hand tugging on his shirt as he half-sits on the car window sill, arms running on the wind.

“I won’t, it’s fine! Go faster!”

Kihyun barks out a mad laugh, yelling that he can’t, he really can’t or the car is just going to implode and Jooheon grabs at the roof, leaning as far as he dares and the fear that fills him has something intoxicating; he feels drunk, he really does, the hand on his shirt holding him back, the music filling his ears, loud and wicked. He closes his eyes then, leaving his body to float there, filled with howling winds and shrieking guitars and Kihyun’s voice, Kihyun’s voice and his laugh and his hand on his shirt and it’s not the one he loves best but it’s alright, it is, and _I want to feel something more than I can ever take_ yells Kihyun as Jooheon looks back and he watches him, watches his hand on the wheel and his eyes on the road and the ink swirling on his skin, hair tousled by the wind and he’s beautiful, he is, something wild and strange and _I want something more cos’ I can’t fucking breath –_

“Kihyun, hey, Kihyun.”

“Yeah?”

“You look good, you look so good right now, I wanna take a picture.”

“Do it, then.”

And so Jooheon does, sliding back into his seat as he whips out his phone and something simpler never was, Kihyun on his cracked screen, his sharp profile and his eyes and his hair, his hair and the dark ink on his skin and the rings on his fingers and Jooheon snaps one and two and a third and he remembers that he used to love it, taking pictures, he really did.

“What’s a guy like you doing in a place like this.”

Kihyun starts laughing again, belly-deep and crinkling eyes that never leave the road.

“Seriously? That’s the best you have?”

“I also have ‘if you were a Transformer, you’d be optimus fine’ but I was saving it for a special occasion.”

“I’m this close to kill us both.”

“Please don’t. I have a child.”

“It’s a cat.”

“That you forced onto me. You’re basically her deadbeat dad.”

“I’ve been paying alimony though. All that cat food.”

Jooheon laughs and it’s simple and he had missed this feeling, this feeling he had known another lifetime ago with someone else in the car seat; but then something had changed, something had changed and his laughs had filled with something else, another kind of feeling riding on his every thought and the hollow grows, grows between his ribs.

“You alright?”

“Uh?”

“You got faraway on me again.”

“Yeah, I’m cool. Where are we going?”

“I don’t know. Where do you wanna go?”

Jooheon looks outside the window, at the trees bordering the road passing them in a blur, at the blue sky overhead, far and indifferent.

“Somewhere loud.”

Kihyun glances at him but says nothing, nodding instead, eyes on the road and both hands on the wheel. Jooheon stares, stares at his fingers, at his rings, smooth metal bands he wishes he could touch, at his nails, painted only on one hand. He takes out his phone again, and on the picture he takes Kihyun’s hands are everything there is.

 

**7.**

When they step in the noise hits him like a solid wall.

“You wanted somewhere loud!”, Kihyun yells next to his ear and Jooheon nods; he did, he wanted somewhere loud and this place is the loudest yet, the band playing on the makeshift scene pushed back against the far wall spilling noise into each of his cells. Kihyun grabs him by the wrist, pulling him near the bar where they find a seat, the guy behind the counter nodding at them before sliding a drink to another customer. He has hair dyed a minty green, thick-framed glasses almost too large for his round face and the too-big hoodie he’s wearing is way too warm for the weather.

“What will you guys have?”

It’s almost lip-reading at this point and Jooheon leaves the talking to Kihyun, turning to watch the band on stage. The singer lets out a deep note that resonate in his chest and he stares, Kihyun’s half-yelled words ringing in the background.

“The usual.”

“Who’s this?”

“Jooheon. He’s cool.”

“Alright.” 

Soon enough two glasses are put in front of them, a strange colored liquid swirling inside. Jooheon has to ask.

“What the hell is this?”

“Whatever remained in the empty bottles Yoongi had lying around.”

“Are you fucking serious?”

“Yeah. I figured you could use a drink and this one is free. Cheers!”

Kihyun actually downs the mixture under Jooheon’s wide-eyed stare and makes a face, chin turning into a walnut.

“Bitter. And sour too, somehow.”

Jooheon stares at him, then at his drink, and summons enough courage to dip his lips into it. It’s as terrible as it looks.

“It’s so fucking gross.”

“Yeah, never said it wasn’t. Come on, drink it and let’s go dance.”

“I don’t dance.”

“Sure you do. Everybody does. You might be terrible at it, but no one cares about that.”

And Kihyun speaks the truth, Jooheon finds as he waddles on the dancefloor like some sort of drunk duck. No one cares, bodies swaying next to his to the syncopated beat of the music. Kihyun’s close and of course he’d be good at it, body lithe, pretty hair and pretty eyes and he’s laughing at something only he knows, grabbing Jooheon’s wrist to tug him closer. “Well, come on,” he mouths, and Jooheon smiles, something warm nesting in his chest, a certain stiffness leaving his limbs in favor of whatever it is that’s riding on the music; and maybe it’s the alcohol in his veins or the stifling warmth of the place but he feels lightheaded, watching the pretty lights paint Kihyun’s skin in shades of red and blue, watching the crowd around them, watching the band onstage and the ceiling overhead and he would take a picture if he could but for now he just wants to feel, feel his body float and _one night to be confused, one night to speed up truth_ and when he looks Kihyun is shining black and white and he’s beautiful, he is, and maybe in some other life he could have been right, maybe in some other life there isn’t any bright eyes and a brighter laugh digging a hole in his chest.

But it’s alright, now, it is, the beat takes him up and away and his hands find Kihyun’s and _one night to push and scream_ and they’re close, so close and he’s so pretty, and then, then Jooheon is kissing him, he is, he’s kissing the boy in front in of him, the one painted red and blue, with the pretty eyes that are not quite right, not quite right but it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter as Kihyun kisses back and he’s soft against him, hard edges melting against his skin and _this will never end cause I want more, more give me more give me more_ and there’s a hand tugging on his wrist, people brushing past, a door closing with a bang and his back that hits a wall. He’s flooded, then, there’s hands in his hair, a body pressing into his and he watches the tattooed skin against his own, he watches the rings on the fingers and he can finally touch them, he can; bringing the fingers to his mouth he sucks softly, biting around the knuckles and there’s a whimper, something that sends a shiver down his spine as he grabs Kihyun by the neck, letting go of his hand to kiss him again and he’s rough, tugging at his clothes, pressing into him and Kihyun is all that there is, he is; there’s something almost sad in his need to feel more, _give me more give me more_ and Kihyun must know, nibbling at his throat, at the soft spot behind his ear, a tug on his hair that wrenches from his throat a punched-out moan and Kihyun’s smiling with wolf teeth.

Jooheon’s chest bursts, then, something wild that bleeds fire in his veins and he slams Kihyun back; when he looks the boy is shining black and white, something hungry in his face that has Jooheon kiss him again, snaking hands under his shirt and his skin is warm, slightly damp as he licks inside his mouth and _this will never end cause I want more, give me more;_ Jooheon slides to his knees, hands falling over the dips of Kihyun’s hipbones as his breath catches in his throat and hands grip his hair, and he looks up, lips slightly parted and Kihyun is beautiful, looking down at him, chest heaving, cock straining against his pants and _if I had a heart I could love you; if I had a voice I would sing,_ and Jooheon unbuttons his jeans, kissing each of his hipbones and there’s a heron resting there, bleeding splashes of red and black that has him staring, Kihyun’s gaze weighting heavy on his hands, on his face, following every gesture as Jooheon licks the ink, nibbles at the flesh.

“Jooheon, fuck, I mean, really?”

“Yeah,” Jooheon says, voice raspy, and he takes Kihyun’s cock in his hand, fisting it slowly as Kihyun closes his eyes, head thumping back against the wall with a strangled moan. Jooheon licks the head, once, teases the slit with his tongue, still stroking and Kihyun’s cock grows harder still, his breath speeding up, the hand in Jooheon’s hair tightening. Jooheon keeps on teasing, flicks of his tongue and the motion of his hand building a rhythm that has Kihyun pulling at him, almost begging, and then, then he’s done. He takes Kihyun in his mouth and he tastes heavy on his tongue but he loves the stretch, he loves it, and he takes him further down still, hands falling to Kihyun’s hips where he braces himself as he bops his head, Kihyun’s cock hitting the back of his throat once, twice, before the fingers in his hair yet tightens and Kihyun starts moving, sliding his cock in and out as Jooheon’s jaw goes slack and he lets him, he lets him use his mouth, spit and precum dripping down his chin, soft moans escaping, _more give me more give me more_ and it grows in fervency, he can feel it; Kihyun’s close, and so he drops his hand to his own lap, finding his half-hard cock and fisting himself to the snaps of Kihyun’s hips and it’s there, it’s there, _more give me more give me –_ Kihyun comes, warm and sticky down his throat, a strangled moan leaving his lips that pushes Jooheon over the edge and _if I had a heart I could love you_ he spills on his fingers _if I had a heart I could love you_ and Kihyun kneels before him, taking his face in his hands and _if I had a heart I could love you_ he kisses him despite the mess, he kisses him hard and deep and _if I had a heart, I could love you, I could love you._

**8.**

They don’t talk about it, and maybe it is better this way. Kihyun had helped Jooheon clean up and get dressed, they had gone back to the dancefloor, had drunk yet even more and the barman had taken Kihyun’s keys from him, driving them both home with Kihyun’s own car at the end of his shift. And that had been it. Days had started flowing again, on a highway to nothing. Everything going back to normal. Or it would have, without the black hole now living in the side of Jooheon’s chest.

“I think he knows we’re staring.”

Jooheon tilts his head, watching the vampire on the other side of the street.

“He would be kind of dumb if he didn’t, we’re like, 6 meters away.”

It’s Minhyuk’s turn to tilt his head and they must look sort of funny, Jooheon thinks, crouching before the shooting range, their stance mirroring each other, a kitten resting on Jooheon’s shoulder.

“Right.”

“You should go talk to him.”

“Wrong.”

“He probably already thinks we have the hots for him. Or that we’re plotting his murder.”

Minhyuk rolls his eyes, but whatever he was going to say is interrupted by him spluttering, grabbing Jooheon’s wrist who elbows him before he can point like an obvious moron.

“Hey, isn’t that your boyfriend?”

And it’s this word, _boyfriend_ , that has Jooheon’s heart take a dip as he watches Kihyun come up to the vampire, with a smile on his face and his hair swept back. He feels like a secret, he does, something dark and buried and Jooheon knows how he tastes, knows the way he sounds and yet they still didn’t talk, they still didn’t talk but maybe there was nothing to say.

“Dude, introduce me.”

“What?”

“This is the perfect opportunity, you introduce me to your boyfriend while he’s in the vicinity of vampire boy and he will have to introduce us.”

Jooheon rolls his eyes, ripping his wrist from Minhyuk’s grasp.

“Stop calling him my boyfriend, he’s not.”

“He should be, have you seen him?”

“I thought he scared you.”

“Yeah, but that’s like, the opposite of a problem.”

Minhyuk makes a face, the one Jooheon never asks about.

“Minhyuk, you’re a freak.”

“Old news. Come on, get a move on.”

One day Jooheon will stop doing whatever Minhyuk tells him to, but it has yet to come and so they stand up, Jooheon hugging Junior to his chest, crossing the road towards the haunted house and he might be a tad dramatic but he really feels like walking to his doom, heart shriveling with each step taken. Minhyuk’s bouncing though, his best smile on his lips and Jooheon awkwardly waves to Kihyun and how are you supposed to act around someone who’s dick has been in your mouth? Like a dumbass, apparently, and he trips over his hello, trips over his heart and watches his dignity fall down the stairs. Or maybe not. Really, no one notices anything. They’re too busy cooing at the cat.

“I’ve seen you around.”

The vampire does look like an actual vampire, Jooheon must give him this, pale and lanky and something lethargic to him that makes even his smallest gesture graceful. Jooheon hopes his stare will be enough to set him on fire. It isn’t. Minhyuk’s laughing like the idiot that he is.

“Yeah, I’m at the cotton candy thingie but I hang out at the shooting range a lot. With Jooheon here.”

The vampire smiles and it’s terrible to watch. And not just because of the awkward fake fangs. It’s so obvious now, that they weren’t the only ones watching, that the vampire, whatever Kihyun said his name was, is probably just as taken by Minhyuk than Minhyuk is by him. Jooheon gets it. He gets it and it’s hard to keep out of his face, it really is, feelings blooming there he has no control over and he’s thankful Minhyuk is too absorbed in his conversation to see him. Jooheon’s not the only one here, though, he isn’t, and when he averts his gaze there’s Kihyun standing there, looking at him, lips slightly parted and eyes wide. As soon as he’s spotted Kihyun looks away, laughing at something Minhyuk’s said but there’s something false in his laugh, his face not quite right and Jooheon wonders when did he get to know him so well as to decipher the faintest changes in him.

Kihyun glances back at him and something’s decidedly changed in his face; all at once he feels faraway, closed off, and Jooheon hugs the cat tighter against his chest. It sucks. This day sucks. It’s too warm and Minhyuk’s too loud and the vampire too pretty, and he feels ugly and his skin is too tight and Kihyun feels wrong, Kihyun feels all wrong. There’s laughing Jooheon doesn’t take part in, an exchange of numbers he pretends doesn’t affect him, goodbyes and more laughs and somehow his feet are taking him to the other side of the street again, Minhyuk smiling at his side, and Kihyun isn’t here. 

Kihyun isn’t here, and then, Kihyun disappears. Just like that, he fades in the background, slowly, yellows out in the dust and melts under the sun. After that day something breaks and Jooheon isn’t sure what, but Kihyun doesn’t come to visit Junior nearly as often, doesn’t stay after hours, doesn’t offer Jooheon car rides, doesn’t listen with him to too loud music that remains stuck in their heads for days. Kihyun fades until he’s nothing more than what he once was, a guy Jooheon sees around sometimes, smoking behind the photobooth with the buff guy from the roller-coaster or hanging around the haunted house, dragging a toolbox with a long-suffering look. Jooheon still stares, at the shaved side of his hair, at the tattoos and the sharp eyes and this is someone he desperately wants to talk to but all he gets are half-smiles and nods of acknowledgement. So he crouches with Minhyuk under the smoldering sun, eats half-melted sundaes and laughs over bad music and the hole in his chest espouses a new shape.

 

**9.**

“Why are we listening to Toto?”

“Shut the fuck up, this band slaps.”

Minhyuk is perched on the counter this time, watching Jooheon count the money in the register. His dirty converse bang a quick rhythm against the booth, something too fast for the song they’re only half listening to. When the last cent is accounted for Jooheon slams the register close and stretches with a sigh before sprawling on the counter, head pillowed on his arms and everything feels gross after a full shift, his hair and his clothes and the sweat on his skin. Even his thoughts feel sluggish, melted into each other, and this feeling above all, the one he can’t shake, that something isn’t quite right, that something’s missing.

“We need to go to the haunted house.”

“Why the fuck would we?”

“Cause Hyungwon came and tasted my cotton candy so now we gotta.”

Jooheon cranes his neck to look up at Minhyuk, an eyebrow raised.

“He tasted your cotton candy.”

“Don’t make it sound weird.”

“You’re doing that on your own. There’s no way I’m going.”

A huff, Minhyuk leaning back on his hands and Jooheon follows the movement of his arms, watches the curve of the muscles tensing to support his weight.

“Come on. We can get your boyfriend to hold your hand or something.”

“Yeah no, we can’t do that either.”

“Why not?”

Jooheon considers lying for a split second but lying is exhausting, it truly is.

“He’s ignoring me.”

“Why? What did you do?”

“Why do you think it’s on me?”

“Cause it always is. What did you do to him.”

Jooheon takes an inspiration before stopping, looking at Minhyuk’s expectant face. And then, he just says it.

“I sucked his dick and now he’s ignoring me.”

“You sucked his – Jooheon!”

A scandalized shriek and Minhyuk slaps him over the head, Jooheon laughing before burying his head in his arms where his shame can remain unseen.

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“I’m telling you now.”

“Damn. Talk about betrayal. And he’s ignoring you now? That’s bad etiquette. Were you this terrible?”

Jooheon actually looks up at that, slightly offended Minhyuk would question his terrific skills.

“It was great. I’m great at blowjobs.”

“With those lips you better.”

“You fuck.”

He mimes pushing Minhyuk off the counter, who grabs his arm in a vice grip, tugging, and they both stumble, Minhyuk regaining his balance right before veering off into the dust. He wisely hop off the counter then, and they crouch inside the booth because this is serious business, and Minhyuk has his serious face on. Jooheon doesn’t. Jooheon would like everything to stop happening to him so much and decides to play with Junior because her at least he understands.

“Seriously, though. Did something else happen?”

Junior play-bites his index finger when he presents it to her and Jooheon coos for a bit before answering.

“I don’t know. It’s just. It’s weird. Something feels off.”

“You should confront him about it.”

“Yeah right, I’m gonna go right up to him and be like hey, I sucked you dick, don’t ignore me.”

“Okay I can see how that might not go down so well.”

“Thank god you’re a genius.”

Minhyuk whacks him over the head again and Jooheon makes a face at him, bringing Junior against his cheek, against his ear and he listens to her little heartbeat, to her purring, and maybe everything isn’t so bad, with Minhyuk here, crouching in the shadow of his dinky booth.

“You could write it down.”

“We’re too old for weirdass dick-sucking letters.”

“Write it down on a cake. If you did something wrong it doubles as an apology.”

Jooheon tilts his head, Junior struggling until he lets her drape around his shoulders like a boa.

“Since when do I know how to make cakes?”

“Since right now.”

“What kind of cake.”

“Chocolate cake. It’s easy.”

“Why am I entertaining this lunacy?”

“Cause it’s a great idea. Come on, do it. Do it do it do it do it –”

“Will you shut up if I commit?”

“ _Yes._ ”

**10.**

Somehow, it’s only in the middle of furiously whisking a bowl of dough in the middle of Minhyuk’s kitchen that Jooheon realizes exactly what it is he’s currently doing. Somehow they are still listening to Toto.

“Minhyuk, this is too weird.”

“This is great. Keep going.”

“Minhyuk, I shouldn’t have to do this. He shouldn’t be ignoring me in the first place. Who does he think he is? You can’t play people like this! This bitch. I’m so mad.”

“Jooheon, chill. You’re splattering half my kitchen. It’s just a dude you blew in a bar, you don’t have to go all mental.”

Jooheon stops at that, and not entirely because his wrist is starting to cramp. _It’s just a dude you blew in a bar_ but it’s not, it’s really not. It’s car rides and Junior behind a dumpster, red and blue lights on a tattooed skin; it’s hanging upside-down on monkey-bars, it’s bad dancing and yelling over too loud music, it’s laughter and sharp eyes and something that falls into place; it’s Kihyun, shining black and white, Kihyun wearing leather in the summer, Kihyun smiling and Kihyun moaning and Kihyun driving too fast, it’s the shape of the hole in his side and it’s him, it’s him and it’s everything.

“Oh, shit.”

“What?”

“I need a moment.”

Jooheon crouches, hugging the bowl of dough to his chest. Minhyuk watches him with wide eyes, Toto blaring in the background and _hold the line, love isn’t always on time._

“I’m a fucking idiot.”

“Yeah, but why?”

He looks up, looks up at Minhyuk and he wonders when loving him had become such a habit that he hadn’t even felt the change, that he hadn’t questioned it, hadn’t questioned himself.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just. He’s not. He’s not just a dude. He was, but he’s not anymore.”

“Oh damn. Are we having a crisis?”

“We are having a crisis.”

Minhyuk crouches to his level, gently taking the bowl from him and again he has his serious face on but his eyes are soft, so soft, and Jooheon wishes things could be simpler, no cats behind dumpsters, no leather in the summer, no pretty vampire. But there is and Minhyuk has his serious face on and the black hole in the side of his chest finally has a name. 

“It’s gonna be fine. You can eat this dough while I make more and you’ll feel better.”

“What about salmonella.”

“Fuck salmonella. We’re having a crisis.”

“Yeah, okay, alright.”

Jooheon sits cross-legged on the cold tiles of the kitchen floor as Minhyuk gives him back the bowl, handing him a spoon after rummaging through his drawers. The dough is way too lumpy but it’s okay, he takes a spoonful and it’s sweet on his tongue, the soft summer breeze coming through the open window chasing the warmth off his skin and he sort of feels better already; if all else fails there will still be Minhyuk, there will still be crisis baking in his cool kitchen, there will still be the summer breeze and the sweet taste on his tongue and that can be enough, that can be enough.

 _Hold the line, love isn’t always on time_ and maybe it isn’t, maybe his timing has always been off, too late or too early, never the right pace, never the right order and things fall apart but maybe this time he can save what can be saved.   

“Minhyuk?”

“Yeah?”

“Why am I having an epiphany on goddamn Toto?”

“Cause this band fucking slaps.”

 

**11.**

The problem with Minhyuk starting to not-date the pretty vampire is that said vampire now hangs around. A lot. And so Jooheon is treated to his make-up covered face on a daily basis and this is really not what he had hoped for. Sometimes, Minhyuk isn’t even here. It’s almost like vampire boy actually likes him, too. Like he signed up for the whole package.

“Aren’t you hot under all that clown paste?”

Hyungwon’s crouching in Minhyuk’s usual spot, cape bundled up in his lap to avoid dragging it in the dust.

“It’s not clown paste.”

“Isn’t it though?”

“It’s not. Shut up.”

Jooheon laughs and well, maybe it isn’t so bad. Hyungwon is tall and he’s pretty and when Jooheon asks he lets him use his skateboard and doesn’t laugh when he falls. So he’s alright, really, a decent guy to have around to wreck your knees on the pavement.

“What’s with the bag?”

“It’s a present.”

“For whom?”

“You say ‘whom’?”

“You don’t?”

And he’s easy to side-track, too, and his sense of humor is weird enough that Jooheon doesn’t mind shooting the crap with him too much. Especially on days like these, where the dust is dustier than usual, the sun sunnier, and boredom wraps over him like a thick coat of molasses.

“Hey, have you seen Kihyun around today?”

“No. He’s weird lately.”

“How so?”

“I don’t know. He’s a bit too intense.”

“And that’s bad?”

“Yeah. He can’t keep it up for long. Something must have happened.”

 _I sort of happened_ , Jooheon wants to say. _I’ve sort of been happening a bit too much, lately._ But instead he keeps quiet, pillowing his head on his arms over the counter and it’s too warm, warm and sticky, his breath a thousand degrees.

“I need to give him something today. He’s not answering my texts.”

“For someone on his phone so much he’s really shit at texting. You can give it to Yoongi, they live right next to each other.”

“Yoongi?”

“Yeah, green hair, you know? Never met him? He works at the bar down the road.”

Jooheon nods and it’s another kind of memory that comes back to him, once that sets his cheeks aflame.

“Are they… You know, they’re close, right?”

“They’re friends, yeah. Nothing more.”

“Okay.”

“Why you ask?”

“Just because.”

Jooheon shrugs in a way he hopes casual enough but he should know by now that Hyungwon doesn’t really care anyway. He just takes what you give him. A decent guy, yeah, a decent guy to have around when you break your heart on too sharp eyes.

“Hey, can we go skate?”

“You still have knees after last time?”

“Barely, but there’s other bones to break.”

A laugh, and Hyungwon’s on his feet again, crossing the street to get to the haunted house. He’s out soon again, a board under his arm, gesturing for Jooheon to join him. Junior is of the party too, cuddled in Jooheon’s arms until they reach the parking lot behind the exit and he passes her to Hyungwon, who sits down in a patch of grass under a tree and dangles the strings of his cape for her to catch.

Jooheon is terrible at skateboarding. Hyungwon showed him, Hyungwon explained to him, Hyungwon held his hands as he tried to keep his balance and the only thing they achieved is more bruises. It’s still fun, though, it still is, and Jooheon tries his best to stay on the board until it escapes from under his feet yet again.

“Ouch. You alright?”

“I’m fine. I’m big-butted.”

“I still don’t understand how you can suck so much at this.”

“That’s talent, babe.”

“Right.”

Jooheon kicks the board in Hyungwon’s direction from his position on the ground, watches as the other blocks it with one foot before standing up, and it’s unfairly graceful when he starts to glide, weaving shapes into the ground. His cape billows behind him like some sort of lonely wing and Jooheon crawls to the patch of grass, not bothering to stand up. He lies down there, Junior taking an interest in fighting his shirt. The sky is too blue, too far and too indifferent and he’s reminded of Kihyun, of their first car ride, of the pictures he took and never looked at again. He does, now, taking out his phone and shifting through his gallery. Kihyun’s there, then, on his screen and something simpler never was, his sharp profile and his pretty hands, white shirt and dark ink and the rings on his fingers.

“Hyungwon.”

“Yeah?”

“I need to go to Yoongi.”

Hyungwon skids to a halt, kicking the board into his hand.

“Okay.”

 

**12.**

It’s easier said than done, Jooheon soon finds out. He stands in front of the bar’s entrance door for a good five minutes before finally trudging inside, carrying the sad plastic bag containing his even sadder cake. The place is thankfully almost empty, two guys at the end of the bar and a girl alone at a table for two, waiting, probably. Jooheon takes in his surroundings, takes in Yoongi at the counter, looking supremely bored under his minty hair. He walks up to him, with all the confidence he doesn’t have, offering an awkward smile that gains him a nod and a “what would you like?” in a slow drawl.

“I just. Could you give this to Kihyun when you see him? I can’t find him anywhere and he doesn’t answer my texts.”

Jooheon pushes the bag on the counter and does his best not to cringe when Yoongi peeks inside. His face is way too carefully blank when he looks back at Jooheon.

“What’s this.”

“A cake.”

“Yeah, I can see that. Why does it say ‘don’t ignore me, I sucked your dick’?”.

Somehow Jooheon manages to school his features into something neutral and keeps his voice even when he answers. He’s almost proud in managing to sound this casual.

“Cause I sucked his dick and now he’s ignoring me.”

Yoongi bites his lips, takes a breath, and slides the cake behind the counter. Jooheon feels like they’re two aliens on crack trying to impersonate what they think is a normal interaction. Trying and failing.

“Alright. I will. Give it to him. Yeah.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.”

There’s a beat of silence where they just stare at each other, Jooheon wondering if he’s supposed to leave or if something more is supposed to happen.

“Why not just. You know, just go talk to him?”

“Right? At the time I thought this was better and now I’m just too far in to backpedal.”

This seems to make sense to Yoongi who wisely nods, before pulling a glass and filling it with tap beer.

“I will give him the cake. Here, have a drink on the house.”

Jooheon shuffles into a seat, and it’s sort of awkward for a bit there, him sipping his beer, Yoongi polishing glasses half-heartedly. It’s awkward, until he realizes that this is just how Yoongi is, soft and quiet; he lets himself sink into his aura then, and it’s nice, almost restful; for a while he can just be, sagging against the counter, listening to the noises echoing between his ribs.

“Wait. Are we listening to Escape the fate?”

Yoongi send him a cursory glance, face carefully blank.

“I don’t make the playlist.”

“Sure you don’t.”

“You know the name of the band. What does it say about you?”

“Okay, touché.”

 Yoongi goes back to tidying up but Jooheon just isn’t the type to let anything go that easily.

“‘Is it the way that you laugh that's making my heart beat’, though? Did they find the lyrics in a teen diary?”

“Well, maybe. This was a bop with the 15 years old.”

“You mean this was a bop for you at 15.”

“No. I was always cool.”

“I believe you. So, what’s with the green hair?”

“You know you can just drink in silence.”

Jooheon laughs, bright and dimpling and that tears a smile from Yoongi, who shakes his head, abandoning his cleaning to stretch.

“I just like green.”

“It suits you.”

“Thanks.”

It’s quiet again, Jooheon polishing off his drink as Yoongi takes up yet another glass. And Jooheon knows, then, that it’s going to be fine. Even if everything amounts to nothing, even then, at least he tried, and there will always be terrible music and terrible beer, minty-haired barmen and pretty vampires teaching him to skateboard. And it’s alright, too. It’s enough.

 

(Yoongi does give Kihyun the cake. He cannot quite believe it himself, but he really does. He stands in Kihyun’s doorway as the later peers inside the bag, face too carefully blank as he looks back.

“What’s this?”

“A cake from Jooheon.”

“Okay. Why does it say ‘don’t ignore me I sucked your dick?’”

“Cause he sucked your dick and then you ignored him. That’s bad etiquette, man.”

“I didn’t ignore him.”

“Well, he seems to think that you did.”

“But I’m not–”

“What?”

“I don’t think I’m the one he wants.”

“He baked you a cake. About your dick. The kid’s a mess. By your fault.”

“Yeah, okay. Alright.”

Kihyun looks back into the bag and his face softens, a small smile blooming on his lips. Yoongi leaves before any other idiocy can come up.)

 

**13.**

“Hey.”

“Hey!”

Jooheon stands too straight behind the cash register, Kihyun on the other side looking stiff and there’s the stupid song from the bar stuck in his head, _you make me feel brand new_ and the worst thing is that Kihyun does, he really does, standing there under the sun.

“I got your cake.”

“Great. I was hoping Yoongi would set it on fire.”

“No, he’s… He’s reliable.”

Kihyun smiles and _it’s like I’ve come back to life_ and if the sun could explode now it would be great.

“So, yeah. Yoongi. He’s coming over tonight? And I thought you might have liked to join. If you want.”

“At your place?”

“Yeah. I’ll text you the address.”

“Sure. Okay, yeah.”

Kihyun leaves, and Jooheon crouches behind the register, finding Junior, and this was so painfully awkward he wonders how anyone survived the interaction. The cat doesn’t seem to have any answer for him, choosing to rest limply in his hands and she’s grown, she really did, Jooheon hit by how much time has passed since he met Kihyun, and found her.

 

**14.**

Jooheon shows up early. Or Yoongi is late, the result being the same. He’s alone with Kihyun, and it’s still awkward, and so his solution is to drink as much as he can to fuel his nonexistent bravery. Kihyun watches with an amused smile, making idle conversation. It’s fine. It’s alright. There’s a knock at the door and Jooheon can breathe again.

Yoongi steps in, handing over a 6-pack to Kihyun who sets it on the low table. He nods to Jooheon, seated cross-legged on the bed, back to the wall. Jooheon nods back, watching as he shakes his hoodie off, and his minty hair looks faded in the dim light of the room. He sits on the floor, taking out snacks from his backpack and Jooheon watches his skinny arms, watches the way his fingers wrap around the beer he offers him, long and bony, nails bitten to the quick. Yoongi launches head first into a conversation with Kihyun, as if picking up an argument they had interrupted earlier and there is no place left for Jooheon but he finds that he doesn't really mind. He sips his beer quietly, taste bitter on his tongue, listening to Yoongi’s low raspy voice, to Kihyun's hums of agreement, to the sound of the summer rain falling outside, gently tapping at the window.

A pleasant buzz soon takes hold and he lets his tiredness wash over him, voices melting into each other, the music they put on earlier sloshing around his clouded mind – _I feel like an old withered tree, these days are passing eternally_ – and it seems to Jooheon that he's sinking into the mattress underneath him, down down down where it's warm and pleasant. Soon, or maybe after a very long time, there is a weight next to him, a voice asking, is he okay?, a hum and a warm hand on his wrist. Jooheon doesn't open his eyes, doesn't move; his body is empty, empty except for the sounds, the rain and the voices and the music – _why are you so scared and creeping around, taking photographs all over town, pictures in the dark that live in the light_ –

“Yeah, he is.”

The weight leaves his side and there's new noises, empty cans crinkling, a laugh, words of goodbyes and a door closing. Jooheon lays down then, because it is more comfortable this way, and the room moves with him. There's noises still, water running, the rustle of clothes, a door locking. And the silence, then, when the music is turned off – _pictures and colors I loved but don't see anymore_ – and darkness, when light doesn't shine behind his eyelids no more.

He turns to face the wall as the bed dips, a body falling next to his and Kihyun mumbling words to his ear he doesn't understand, something about water and tomorrows but Jooheon finds that he doesn't care; Kihyun's body is warm and inviting as nothing has ever been and so he moves, finding a place between the other's arms, against his chest, echoes of a beating heart filling the empty space within him and Kihyun allows it, tangling their legs and tucking him closer. Jooheon falls asleep like this, a dreamless sleep to the rhythm of a beating heart.

 

**15.**

Jooheon wakes and there’s a weight against his shoulder, in the crook of his neck. Kihyun, curled up against him, breath fanning over his skin. Jooheon looks down, at his mop of dark hair, at the threadbare shirt he’s wearing, his warmth filtering through. His eyes fly over the room then and he remembers, he remembers falling asleep in Kihyun’s bed, the other laying down next to him; he remembers his warmth and the welcoming shelter of his arms and something falls into place, within him, something of the secret buried under his heart.

He looks at the walls, at the pictures tacked there; he looks at the books thrown haphazardly over the desk, on bended shelves where an old plant made its home, every bits and pieces Kihyun let spill outside of himself and it’s a strange feeling, something fragile and vulnerable curling upon his chest as he looks back down. Kihyun’s still sleeping, and with careful fingers Jooheon brushes hair out of his eyes, traces the slope of his nose and the curve of his mouth; Kihyun sighs, then, stirring, eyes cracking open and a slow smile blooms on his lips as Jooheon stares.

“Morning.”

“Morning. Sorry I fell asleep.”

“It’s cool.”

Kihyun stretches like a cat, rolling away from Jooheon and he misses his warmth instantly.

“You want breakfast?”

“I could eat.”

“Alright. I’ll put on some music. Wake us up.”

Kihyun rolls all the way off the bed, hair a mess, shirt rumpled and he’s only wearing briefs, Jooheon realizes as he stares more intently than he probably should. But something is happening, and he has to let it, something small and unsure needing time to grow and maybe it starts with watching. And Kihyun looks new, he does, something vulnerable in him that didn’t use to be there and Jooheon wants to reach out and touch. He doesn’t, sitting up instead, cross-legged on the bed as he did the day before but his mind is clear now, and Jooheon watches.

He watches the way Kihyun shirt sticks to his back as he bends over the turntable on the desk, he watches his fingers as he takes a record out of its sleeve with infinite care, wondering, wondering what they would feel like over his skin now, rough as they are; he watches as he turns the player on, he watches as the needle falls into the grooves and the music starts.

Kihyun closes his eyes then, lips slightly parted, listening, head swaying to the dark rhythm of the song; _so messed up, I want you here, in my room, I want you here,_ and Kihyun opens his eyes and he smiles and Jooheon knows he’s blushing, suddenly shy, _now we’re gonna be face-to-face and I’ll lay right down in my favorite place_ and Kihyun comes forward, threadbare shirt yawning on his collarbones and Jooheon stares at the skin there, golden and slightly damp, he stares as Kihyun reaches him, takes his hands and forces him up, still swaying, heavy-lidded eyes boring into his and this smile, always this smile, _and now I wanna be your dog, now I wanna be your dog…_

 _“_ Well, c’mon”, Kihyun mouths over the record, and before Jooheon can say anything he kisses him, slow and hungry. _Now I'm ready to close my eyes, and now I'm ready to close my mind_ and Jooheon lets go, fisting his hands in the loose fabric of Kihyun’s shirt, pulling until he’s flushed against him and it’s not enough, it’s not enough, _and now I’m ready to feel your hand,_ and he pulls him backward, backward until his shins hit the bed _and lose my heart on the burning sands_ and there’s a laugh against his lips as they fall over the sheets.

“I thought you wanted breakfast.”

“Fuck breakfast.”

“I’d rather fuck you.”

Jooheon gasps, something tightening in his chest and a strangled giggle comes out, something that Kihyun swallows with a kiss as he cages him against the bed, a knee nudging between his thighs.

“I wasn’t ignoring you.”

“No?”

“No. I thought, I thought there was something, you know, between us. And then I saw the way you watch your friend, and I understood there wasn’t. That I wasn’t the right person. Not the one you wanted.”

Jooheon nods, something sinking in his belly as he raises a hand, pushing back Kihyun’s hair who closes his eyes under his touch.

“And I just had to go away a little. Cause you know, I ended up really liking you.”

“Look, I just. I’m just a dumbass. I don’t – I didn’t even like Minhyuk anymore, at this point. I don’t know when it changed but you’re right, Kihyun, you’re the right person.”

Kihyun smiles, pushing against Jooheon’s hand still in his hair.

“I’m sorry I ignored you after you sucked my dick.”

“That’s bad etiquette, man.”

“Yeah, so I’ve been told.”

Jooheon lowers his hand to Kihyun’s neck, bringing him close, closer until they kiss and something unfurls in his chest, in his belly, something of the dark want he felt that night at the bar when the music was loud and the hands voracious and so he arches off the bed, looking to touch, to feel, and Kihyun deepens the kiss, snaking a hand under Jooheon’s shirt, igniting a small fire in his veins and it’s a moan that escapes his lips, Kihyun breaking the kiss to smile, smile with wolf teeth as he straddles Jooheon’s thighs, straightening up.

“What are you doing?”

“Watching you.”

He pulls at the helm of Jooheon’s shirt who lets him, lets him pull it up over his chest, over his head, and soon greedy fingers roam over his ribs, dip in the hollow of his collarbones, splay over his throat. Kihyun is serious then, head tilted, eyes dark, and Jooheon’s breath itches, stuck in his chest. Kihyun lets go, his own shirt joining Jooheon’s on the floor and he’s beautiful, he is; Jooheon stares, at the blackwork of his arms, the ink dripping over his chest, blooming over his ribs, muscles shifting under his skin as he leans forward, closer but still too far, too far, and Jooheon reaches to him, bring him in for another kiss that has Kihyun grinding down over his groin, ripping a strangled moan from his chest.

“Shit, Kihyun, I –”

“Hm, what?”

“I need more.”

A smile, Kihyun grinding down harder and Jooheon can feel, can see the bulge in his briefs.

“Oh yeah?”

And Kihyun reaches down, pulling at Jooheon pants until they’re halfway down his thighs and teases a hand over his hips, over his abdomen, over the flesh of his thighs and it’s almost cruel, it is, until he finally ghosts his fingers over Jooheon’s cock, teasing through the fabric of his briefs.

“Damn, you’re already hard.”

“Have you seen yourself. Can you stop fucking around and –”

A roll of his hips, a flick of his wrist that has Jooheon shut up and Kihyun smiles and Jooheon knows this one, and he wonders how he didn’t realize earlier what it meant, how he didn’t know the dip in his chest and – and then he thinks of nothing as Kihyun pulls on his underwear, taking his cock in a spit-slicked hand and pumping, slow and languid, a rhythm that has Jooheon want more, always more as a low whine escapes his throat and he bucks his hips, fucking up, up into Kihyun’s hand who ups the pace, freeing his own cock and Jooheon watches with fascination as he fists himself, noises of pleasure falling from his lips.

And then Jooheon grabs at his shoulders, pulling him down, flush against his chest as he kisses him, hard and hungry and Kihyun’s hands are still between them, thighs straining as he grinds down, sliding their cocks together, caging them in his fist and Jooheon loses it, he does, fucking up into Kihyun’s hand, sliding against him slick and messy and it shouldn’t be this good but it is, it is and he’s losing his mind a little bit.

“Kihyun, ah, I’m close.”

Kihyun kisses him, goes down to nibble at his throat, at the soft spot behind his ear and there’s whispered words he doesn’t hear and a flick of the wrist and he’s coming in spurts over his own abdomen, body tensing and he can feel Kihyun’s gaze on him, can feel him fist his own cock harder, faster, and there’s a moan as he comes, spilling over them both, breath ragged.

“Damn.”

He falls next to Jooheon, rolling on his back to spare the sheets and they both stare at the ceiling, Kihyun’s pinky coming to link with Jooheon’s.

“So, I like you a lot.”

Jooheon laughs then, something bright and belly deep that has him feel weightless.

“Yeah, I sort of got that from the furious masturbation.”

It’s Kihyun’s turn to laugh, craning his neck to plant a kiss on Jooheon’s temple.

“We should go shower.”

“Yeah. We should. Hey, about the cat?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna keep it. Can you help moving it into my place tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

“You could. You could like, stay the night. If you want.”

“Damn, I had other plans.”

“Are you fucking serious right now?”

“No. I’d love to stay the night.”

“Cool. Cool.”

They don’t get up right away, Jooheon threading his fingers with Kihyun’s as they fall quiet, a contended hum settling over them. As Jooheon stares at the ceiling, listening to Kihyun’s quiet breathing, feeling his warmth through their linked hands, he knows, then. This is it. His favorite place.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/BlanquetteAO3), [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/Blanq) and [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/blanquetteao3) or come right up to my house to deck me one either way is fine


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